"I'D LIKE TO FUCK YOU ON THE STAIRS,
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU WOULDN'T CARE?" - Curse our love

oh YEA.

I lied to a stranger last night

random guy: "my friend wants to know if you have a bf"
me: " *pause* yea"
random guy: "of course you do"


.....as if the idea of a person being single was so implausible, really.

I will break you
or
you will break me



DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE ORDER OF EVENTS IS



because either way we know how this is going down.

today sucked.
i had to be up at 6-
in work at 7-
out of work an hour late at 130-
then mom got pissed and i had to go food shopping-
put off seeing jeff and he got pissed-
went by the seaport and had to PULL a letter of reconmadation out of sharon-
and then i got home and ben was all mad b/c i had planned on going out without seeing him for his b-day
so i put off jeff again and stayed home


and now jeff doesnt want to see me at all and im stuck home for the night and i just want to CRY because this isnt what i wanted at all.

i dont know what i wanted.

just not to be here or obligated to anything anymore.

i just feel so sick all the time.

or nothing at all.

away message fountianjgm:

Well, I'm a runnin' down the road, tryin' to loosen my load,
I've got seven women on my mind:
four that wanna own me, two that wanna stone me,
one says she's a friend of mine.
Take it easy, take it easy,
don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.
Lighten up while you still can, don't even try to understand,
just find a place to make your stand and take it easy.

Well, I'm a standin' on a corner in Winslow, Arizona
and such a fine sight to see:
it's a girl, my Lord, in a flat bed Ford
slowin' down to take a look at me.
Come on, baby, don't say maybe.
I gotta know if your sweet love is gonna save me.
We may lose and we may win though we will never be here again.
So open up, I'm climbin' in, so take it easy.

Baguette self defense in '05: Not just for the French anymore.

VIOLENT MOOD SWINGS AGAIN

I AM NOT PERMANENT.

AND THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME DRY IS WHERE I AM.







fuck Jeff and his flippant bipolar behavior.

FUCK IT.


I don't know why, but, I think it's just about time that I stop trying.
to.
get.
out.
of.
here.


hello all of this, we'll be together awhile.

"i dont know how i'm going to live. i dont care if your bird can sing, i like her voice tonight"- the minus5

At this point it's ended, this must be the plan.

"there are things you have said, raise the boat and raise the dead" - surfjan stevens

I feel so entirely wasted.

Life's possiblities are WASTED on my uncertainy- my unwillingness to risk exposing my inablities and my insecureties .


my own self and nothing else to be seen.


and more empty words in a space that will WASTE the time of the people who see through things long enough to read and process thought as something more than it is.

or was.

or can never be.


I dont know.
DoyouknowDoesanybodyknowOrdoeseverybodyknowthesamenothingasme

if it were biblical times i would, now instantly, turn into a pillar of salt for doing this.

b-fish: haha grounded
me: like a rock
me: or anything else that cant fly
b-fish: like a bird
b-fish: oh wait

It's been a year

Baby, my baby.