really bad mood swings again

No
one
can
harness
the
rage.



Things I don't remember
are starting to come to mind again.

Lately I've been thinking about Nico.
Unprovoked naked thoughts about him, and me, and the beginning of the relationship
and the end of the relationship
and all the vaguly horrible and vividly wonderful things that were sandwiched inbetween.


I miss THAT

if any of this makes sense

Take my hand

You were there, and it was good in the begining
you were there, and we were good in the begining.

I would love to change your mind.

If I told you how incredibly miserable I am right now you'd probably just accuse me of overly indulgent self pity.
The upshot of it all is when my mom sat me down the day after I had to put my cat to sleep and told me I had cried enough and to stop- I did, right then. And when Jeff tells me I should be happy, I try, from that exact second -to be happy. And when people are impressed about how well I handle things I always neglect to tell them about how I cry myself to sleep a lot, because, somehow I just cant seem to understand yet why I cant be better, why things cant be better.

this morning i fought my urge to climb back into bed and cried my way through most of my hw while mom walked.


i dont know anymore
but maybe
thats because i dont want to

I have a freak flag and i'm not afraid to fly it.

or yanno

paint my nails three different shades of blue instead.

FUCK.



I'm so sorry.