back in your head

Tonight Colin got mad I wouldn't kiss him because he reeked of cigs so he picked me up, carried me to the door, and than locked me outside his house at 11:30 at night when there was snow on the ground. Then when I started pounding on the door he brought me my boots and coat, which he shoved out the door and into my face. NOW it's an hour later and I've been crying and he's been yelling and it's all a huge fight because I had to force my way back into his house to get my car keys and cell phone. I hate him when he drinks. 12 missed calls because I won't pick up after reading some of the choice words from his text messages, so I turned my phone off after telling him that whether or not he does like me, I like myself far too much to sit on the phone while he yells and yells and our fight goes a round in a circle because he is intoxicated and angry about everything that happened, ever.

You know what's even more fucked up than any of that? I had forgotten about this one time in the middle of the summer when I was five. Dad locked me on the roof for some reason I don't remember, but I do remember the heat from the roofing on my bare feet, and crying th same way I did tonight when he locked the window behind me.