Music fills an emotional gap that I didn't know I had. No.... actually I'm fully aware I have an emotional gap because everyone keeps pointing it out to me. I just didn't know music could fill it, that's all.


gumpbogump: so you sitll hold a flame for him
sk007r: it's more like I hold a fucking bomb fire for him in the middle of NY Citys dump.
Gumbogump: well thats healthy
sk007r: yup.

Part of me hopes I see Pat and part of me wants to be drunk.


Fortunetely i like both these parts of me equally..... especially when mixed.

New York, Ciggarettes, and time with my Mom.

OR

Skiing, alcohol, and time with strange boys.



This is me doing very, very, very badly. I don't know what happened but i can't seem to bring the right paper work with me anymore and i wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about the RIGHT way to do math problems i don't understand and i eat candy bars for breakfast while wishing i wasnt fat and my essay went really well last night and BW got his knuckles covered in tattoos that look like he doodled them in class while he was bored.

He hugged me goodbye because i was ignoring him and he weights NOTHING: my arms litterally wrapped around him eighteen times.

i am jealous and its not very flattering.

I have a Quiz and hw due on tuesday... even though i havent finished the test or my hw from today. I am stressing and there's this girl who is beautiful beyond belief and i am jealous that i'm not like that and i cant type up papers in the car. I'm ready to go ski and drink and dance and talk to boys and stop shaking like i have parkensons (sp?) but all this education and responsiblity is making me break down instead.


this was written while drunkish and is all the more beautiful for it.

Apparenlty in college kids come to the library to study stuff. huh.

I ran into Pat today.
He's grown a lot of facial hair since last year.
I gave him my number.
He gave me two hugs.
G showed up at Chris' room last night because G got drunk and kicked out of S's room.

the word on the tip of everyones tongue is "transfer"
rizzi
pat
john
me

TRANSFER TRANSFER TRANSFER BECAUSE NOTHING WE HAVE RIGHT NOW IS GOOD ENOUGH. or something. I left my alcohol in johns room and my cigs at home and BW is quitting work and I miss being friends with BR and i hate the way he looks at me when i see him around now and everyone thinks i just hook up with chris and they say things to me like "hey, you're not drunk and you're wearing a shirt" and i think TRANSFER because somewhere else means people wont know me for these things. Mike called me at 11:30 last night because he was stoned and he was driving and it just seemed like the right thing to do. I attacked Chris in his room for a good 45 minutes while i was wearing all of Colin's Lax gear and then Chris and i passed out on the couch while he asked me if we could makeout. I said no and thought of whose room i'd be doing this in once i TRANSFER. I like Rizzi and Rizzi likes girls with tattoos and red hair and who aren't me. ME ME ME ME ME ME.

In math today i understood NOTHING.

I'm currently lost in a location that is completely public and accesible.

i dont know and the drinking doesnt know but at least the drinking makes the world warm and the jokes funny and the words come out that usually stay hidden.

In the 1.5 hours I was in New London I saw over 10 ambulances.

Disgruntled lovers do it better I guess.


Happy V- day.

Is this the end of the world?
No, just the end
of the language that describes it.

So the end happens
but no one says anything.
It's a downturn, not a collapse.

Whoever is saying it's over
refuses to specify demands,
makes no ultimatums, it's just over.


-Ron Slate

Quiet Life

Beautiful boys who I hit on while I was piss drunk in a bar in New London. Yay for class and sophistocation!

"If we ever get home
I'll have to let you know
where the key is
hidden on the front porch
and the sun starts to rise
and I can't deny
I ruined the great life."

- Quiet Life
------------------------------------------------------
BR: "so i was making out with this 30yr old woman- well, everyone said she was 30, i thought she was 40- anyway so we're making out and then she tells me she has a 4yr old son back in long island"


This is what you left your bf for sk:You deserve all this emotional pain, you really do.


------------------------------------------------------
On saturday Night:

Chris:The first song the second band played was really good.
Me: yeah?
Chris: well, you seemed to like it.
Chris: Actually you seemed to really like everything.

-Once you start to love someone, it never goes away.

-When I start drinking on a Thursday, chances are pretty good I wont stop until Monday.

-I love getting called back by BR.

-My father's in a "relationship." That's why he dropped out of my life for the last few months. He wrote me a guilt check which was inclosed in a letter in which he told me about this woman and how he wants me to meet her, get aquatinted, and see their house. Like reading about her wasn't enough.

Yet another man in my life who cant be honest with me to my face: I hate them all.

Saturday night was positively fantastic and kind of ridiculous. I don't normally yell at chain link fences or start crying in the middle of the street, but then again I don't normally get drunk after chugging only four beers.

I have learned three things this weekend.

1) that N has made me hideously psychotic
2) Dad rendered me emotionally fucked up.
3) Every math professor I've ever had has exhibited atrocious handwriting.

As far as the Hygienic show .... it looked like all the artists had been in the same art class where the teacher had said "all right class, you have twenty minutes to create something that's politically aware, artistically brilliant, and completely cut and paste"

Hot damn.