tiamarie531: ive got a scandalous picture on myspace.com
Sk007r: haha..thats like...almost your boobs
tiamarie531: i cant leave it up much longer bryan got kinda angry
Sk007r: because he's an uptight killjoy?
tiamarie531: no the pic was originally for him
tiamarie531: but i geuss thats a look i give him before sex
Sk007r: and so he hates it? ah, that makes sense
tiamarie531: FUCK YOU

misread on blogger status page "scheduled outrage at 4:00PM PST."

i'm trying so hard to forget
you're still out there somewhere
with someone you met
and i'm down to my last cigarette.

Yesterday mom put the dog to sleep.


I had to go to work,
and when I got home it was hard to see the empty spot under the table on the kitchen floor where the dogs bed was that morning.


I will cry on tues, or maybe wed. . . but for now i'll try my hardest to not feel anything. Shall we talk about something else? okay, lets.

Jeff came home around 930pm.
He told me I was good at not showing emotion about these kinda things
and I almost told him about how I cant feel my heart breathe anymore
but I didn't, and instead I just laughed, awkwardly.

I woke up around 8 this morning. I had a dream about N last night. We were older in the dream, we dressed in harder clothes. I had snuck into his house for something and it wasn't his house like I remember it being- and I was not as stealth as I am in real life. We talked briefly, I don't know about what, and afterwards I came back to his house another time afterwhich everything blurred.

I wonder if he dreams about me when I dream about him and if he thinks about me when I think about him- if this is all his doing.


can my brain still be ridiculously connected to yours after so many years?

no, probably not.

I think maybe this makes me useful, and therefore somewhat more nondisposable in nature, than you realize.

Forget pretty.
I am the funny girl.
i've either given up or gotten over pretty.
i am incompetent when it comes to those things
pretty doesnt make you smile late at night in the dark the way a remembered amusement does.
Who needs to be hot when you can make people laugh?


i have different definitions for things like love now

maybe i just dont like feeling so unsure


or maybe since the only thing left to fear if death ...i have no fears

"I play along with the charade

That doesn’t seem to be a reason to change

You know I feel so dirty when they start talkin’ cute

I wanna tell her that I love her, but the point is probably moot

‘Cause she’s watchin’ him with those eyes

And she’s lovin’ him with that body, I just know it

And he’s holding her in his arms late, late at night"

IMISSYOU

I gave mere a handle of vodka
she got drunk before a school dance
and might get in trouble now


ALL TOGETHER NOW


What are the reasons behind growing up and life
because i think its sad that moms dont greet their kids at the front door
-with a glass of water and a hug-
when they show up drunk at 4am
and i really think people shouldnt be as cruel as they have a habit of becoming
eric goodman shouldnt have posted pictures of me when i was drunk and being stupid
and i should know bette than to be drunk or stupid around people i dont know




-----?------

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

New Year

We finally made our way outside to the car after almost breaking the metal railing to the front steps
which made Mere fall down and Jayme laugh so hard that she pee'd herself and then pee'd somemore in the bushes in front of the house
and then we couldnt light the fucking lighter because we were all too drunk.
I really love drunk meredith when i'm drunk and she wants a ciggarette
we went back to jeff's house where madeout with jeff loudly on his couch in front of EVERYONE,
after which he decided that i was his gf, officially